Harry Potter and the Mutant Heart
by emu malfoy
Summary: Harry Potter has been stuck at Hogwarts for the last five years of his life--supposedly for his own protection--and is bored out of his mind. The monotony is finally broken by a single music video. This story is meant to be random and funny, please R&R!


**Author's Note**: I've been having awful writer's block lately, so this is just getting the creative juices flowing again, although it's pretty fun to write. I'm super excited for more Emo!Draco, haha. Hope you enjoy :]

Harry was bored.

"Hermione, I'm bored!" he whined, poking the bushy-haired female sitting next to him on the couch.

"So find something to do," she snapped, refusing to remove her nose from the huge, musty book she had been engrossed in for the last hour.

"But there is NOTHING to do. This castle is SOOO BORING."

Hermione rolled her eyes and turned to glare at her best friend. "Harry James Potter, you are a professor. You can do anything you want! You can ride your Firebolt around the school! You can slip giggling potion into McGonagall's tea! You could spank Slytherins if you wanted to, just quit complaining and let me read!!"

Harry stared at Hermione as she returned to her foul-smelling book. He then realized his mouth was still open, and, though he doubted she had noticed, stood up, mostly to save some face.

"I'm going to the kitchens to get a snack," he announced to the mostly-empty staffroom.

"Well, bully for you," one of the portraits replied, to general snickers. Hermione remained silent, turning a page.

Harry hummed a song by the Weird Sisters as he made his way down to the kitchens. He wasn't really hungry, but obviously he couldn't hang around Hermione at the moment. She had been edgy lately; Harry knew she was worried about Ron, who had been assigned some dangerous jobs over the last few months. It had made Harry uneasy at first, too, but mostly because he couldn't go along with his friend; he knew Ron could take care of himself. Mostly, Harry was deeply jealous of Ron, for his independence as well as the obvious joy he got from his duties as an Auror.

Harry paused as he reached the portrait of the fruit bowl, which hid the entrance to the kitchens. The house elves literally worshiped him; last time he had visited the kitchens, a larger-than-life sized portrait of his loincloth-clad body had been painted on the wall. The elves had assured him that his lack of clothing symbolized all he had done for the house elves, especially those with unkind masters; he had, they said, freed so many elves that he no longer had any clothing left for himself. Harry had thanked them generously, taken the fifty pounds of food they shoved into his arms, and booked it as fast as he could.

Now that he came to think of it, he really wasn't hungry. Harry leaned against the wall and considered his options.

He could go to bed; but, seeing as how it was only 8 o'clock, that wasn't exactly an ideal choice.

He could visit Hagrid; but his friend had recently acquired a new batch of Blast-Ended Skrewts, and Harry didn't feel that a late-night visit to the elderly Madam Pomfrey would be pleasant.

He could go to the library; but wasn't he trying to _end_ his boredom?

Harry sighed, and began walking back toward the staffroom. He took the longest route he could think of, but still arrived sooner than he would have liked. He knocked, then opened the door, just in time to see Hermione, blushing furiously, rolling off of Ron Weasley's lap.

"You know, you guys _do_ have your own bedroom…" Harry smirked, half-annoyed.

"Yes, but look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't coming here to ask if you could watch my telly," Hermione retorted, snuggling up to her husband, who rolled his eyes at Harry behind her.

Harry ignored this. "How's that case going, Ron?"

Ron sighed heavily. "Terrible. Danika Dragovitch is nowhere to be found. We've interviewed everyone, and nobody knows where she is; we've been operating on nothing but rumors, and so far they've all been wrong. Today we went to Venice, and pretty much just sat in a cafe eating gelato and waiting for her to walk by, or something. It's stupid. Except…" Ron kissed the top of Hermione's head, "…we need to go there sometime. It's beautiful." He winked at Harry as Hermione looked lovestruck.

Harry couldn't suppress his grin. "Gee, Ron, that must have been terrible! I'm so sorry for you. Err… I can tell that you guys need some alone time. You know where I'll be." He skipped out the door, then up to Ron and Hermione's chambers, next to the Muggle Studies classroom. He gave the password—Crookshanks—to the portrait of Bertie Bott, then stepped into the cozy living room. It had a maroon carpet and a brick fireplace, as well as a few comfortable armchairs and a dozen overflowing bookshelves. He moved on into the bedroom, also furnished in maroon, and turned on Hermione's ancient television before grabbing the remote and settling himself on the bed.

It was 8:30 on a Sunday night, so there was nothing really good on TV. However, Harry was able to find a station playing Muggle music videos, which was usually good for a laugh. He pointed his wand at the Weasleys' cupboard, summoning a bag of instant popcorn; with another wave it began popping, and was done in less than 30 seconds. Harry was proud to notice that it was only slightly burnt—he was getting better at this "cooking" thing! –and began paying attention to what he was watching.

The first video was a hip-hop artist, who had gold on his teeth and "hella bitches". It was hilarious.

The second was a girl, who played acoustic guitar and stared soulfully into the camera, and it was all in black and white. Harry found it incredibly boring.

The third was a four-piece band, dressed all in black, on a plain white background. They were all wearing makeup and had unnaturally colored hair, which Harry found kind of unnecessary, although it went with the music, which was equally danceable and sad. Harry found himself captivated by the lead singer's black-outlined eyes; they were icy blue, and made his heart beat faster. The man had white blonde hair and very prominent cheekbones, and Harry had a vague sense of déjà vu.

The information about the video flashed in the bottom left corner. Artist—Mutant Heart. Song—I Once Was a Serpent. Harry got one last glimpse of the blonde, smirking prettily, before the video ended, and his pale face was replaced by that of a heavy metal singer, making grotesque faces and squawking. Harry vowed to find out more about this Mutant Heart—if only for something to do.

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!! This is supposed to be kind of goofy; we'll see how it goes :]**


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